HUMAN EVOLUTION

A short History of Mankind:Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. Theylived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coastand live on fish and lobster in winter.The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beerand the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to thebeer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together werethe catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:Liberals and Conservatives.Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning ofagriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them tobe invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villageswere formed.Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at nightwhile they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as"the Conservative movement."Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live offthe conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing thesewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberalmovement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Therest became known as 'girliemen.'Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept ofDemocratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer thatconservatives provided.Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, mostpowerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized bythe jackass.Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most preferwhite wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like theirbeef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women havehigher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personalinjury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and grouptherapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rulebecause it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide fortheir women. Conservatives are Rangers, big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, policeofficers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone whoworks productively. Conservatives who own companies hire otherconservatives who want to work for a living.Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producersand decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans aremore enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remainedin Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in afterthe Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE fornothing.Here ends today's lesson in world history:It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond tothe above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative will beso convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be